Love Hurts Movie Review (2025)

Love Hurts, a dark comedy that centers around Valentine’s Day, is so cringe that even the endearing presence of Ke Huy Quan can’t save it.

I love Ke Huy Quan. He was one of my imaginary friends as Data in The Goonies when I was a kid and I have loved watching his comeback in the last few years. He has one of the most distinctive voices (which you heard for a few seconds on the phone in the third season of White Lotus) and he just seems like the sweetest man. I have a huge soft spot for him, which is most of the reason that I watched this film.

Love Hurts is about Marvin, a comfortable real estate agent who has an assistant and a great relationship with his boss. Out of nowhere, a woman starts leaving subtle messages for him to let him know that she is in town and that she knows where he is. When a few men try to kill him, he is reminded of the mercenary training that he had with his brother and tries to escape without losing the life that he is so happy with now.

This is a terrible movie. It is hard for me to even describe what it is about because it really doesn’t make any sense. I watched about 25 minutes before I had to stop and take a break because I kept thinking about other things. But I came back to it because that is the deal that I have with myself. I always finish a movie, even if I have to take it in pieces.

Love Hurts purports to be a Valentine’s Day action comedy, and it thinks that it is. It tries to live in the world of Bullet Train and Fight or Flight, where the action and deaths are over-the-top and hilarious, but it lacks the charm, consistency, and vision that these other two movies have.

Ke Huy Quan, who is always fun to watch, does what he can to carry the movie, but just try to envision him as a main henchman to someone’s murder posse. It is laughable, and not in a good way. I am sure that this is part of the joke, but unfortunately, it isn’t funny, it is just cringey.

Ariana DeBose (doing a fantastic straddling of both movies and Broadway) feels strange in this movie too. She is tough and charismatic, but she is also playing with some super cliché moments that don’t work. Thinking in the steamy shower, laying in bed in lingerie (that comes out of nowhere), and bleeding, but looking sexy. Again, all part of what could have worked, but it feels clunky and unfunny.

The only redeeming part of Love Hurts is a small storyline having to do with the assistant and a trained assassin who is also a poet. I wish that had been fleshed out more and maybe it would have been a better movie. But instead, you aren’t totally sure who any of these people are working for, why they are all trying to kill each other, and you do not care.

The second half of the movie is better than the first, so there is that. Unfortunately, 83 minutes – which is very short for a movie – still feels FAR too long. Skip it, but never doubt my love for Ke Huy Quan.

Runtime: 83 minutes

Motion Picture Rating: R

Languages Spoken In The Film: English

Should You Watch It? No

Did I Cry? Nope

My Rating: 1.5/5 Stars

Available: Free on Peacock, to rent on Prime Video, or may be available for free on other streaming platforms