An inane film about a shallow modern matchmaker who is looking for the perfect rich guy, Materialists is not one to waste your time with.
Looking at the movie poster, I was already wary. Not knowing anything about the film other than it appears that Dakota Johnson is choosing between Pedro Pascal and Chris Evans, the premise is already faulty. I’m sorry, but how could you ever choose anyone over Pedro Pascal?? I definitely appreciate Chris Evans for his charm, looks, and talent, but Pedro Pascal, man… It’s just never going to happen.
Materialists centers around Lucy, a modern New York matchmaker who works to help people find their perfect person. At the wedding of two of her clients, Lucy meets Harry, the groom’s brother, and runs into John, her former boyfriend who is employed by the caterer. She spends the film trying to choose between them.
Although this is classified as a romantic comedy, it is almost never funny or entertaining. The one major positive for me, though, is the specific requirements Lucy finds herself having to navigate with her clients (in addition to being referred to as Mary C. and Lucas D., like on The Bachelor). They are unbelievably shallow, which is the eye-rolling joke, but hearing men looking for 26 year old women who are fit and don’t talk too much (while they themselves are balding and 48) and women looking for tall men who make six figures with a full head of hair (while they are middle aged women who no longer want children) is entertaining. It exhibits the brazenness of our society very well and it’s definitely the highlight of the film.
Directed by Celine Song, who also directed Past Lives (amazing), I was somewhat hopeful for this film, even though my Pedro Pascal issue was glaring. I wanted to give it a chance, though.
Unfortunately, there is no charm to the Materialists. Lucy is looking for a disgustingly rich man and calculates every person based on their value. Every person she meets becomes a list of qualities, which is her job, but no one has any further worth than that. Late 30’s, only wants cats, mediocre income, likes to travel, good enough hair, nothing special – with list after list like this, you’re never really endeared to Lucy, even though the film works to get you to like her.
Chris Evans’ scenes are much looser and more comfortable, probably because he is supposed to be the everyman. There is no pretension and all he wants is the girl. If I was to ever pick someone over Pedro Pascal, he would be in the running.
There is also an odd conversation and occasional focus on two cavepeople who meet and fall in love. By the end of the movie, you know what they are trying to do with it, but it is wholly unnecessary and incredibly strange within the framing of the rest of the film.
A movie that is supposed to show you that people and love are more than something that you can list on a piece of paper, Materialists is uninteresting and charmless. Do yourself a favor and watch The Fantastic Four: First Steps, The Peanut Butter Falcon, and Knives Out for your Pedro Pascal Dakota Johnson, and Chris Evans fixes instead. Skip this.
Runtime: 116 minutes
Motion Picture Rating: R
Languages Spoken In The Film: English
Should You Watch It? No, I would pass
Did I Cry? Nope
My Rating: 1.5/5 Stars
Available: Free on Max and Hulu, to rent on Prime Video, or may be available for free on other streaming platforms
Looking at the movie poster, I was already wary. Not knowing anything about the film other than it appears that Dakota Johnson is choosing between Pedro Pascal and Chris Evans, the premise is already faulty. I’m sorry, but how could you ever choose anyone over Pedro Pascal?? I definitely appreciate Chris Evans for his charm, looks, and talent, but Pedro Pascal, man… It’s just never going to happen.
